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Short Story By Mike Baharmast 1-94
From a book of short stories titled "Untruly Funny Stories"
For more, see "README.TXT"
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EMAIL
From: David Goldsteen, attorney for the Dulong community of  El Segundo Ca.
To: Judge Robert Orie, District 12 Court.
Re: Dulong Tribal customs - Report #2

Sir, I am continuing to write to the recent incidents that Ms. Deborah 
Finesteen, El Segundo assistant city administrator brought to the attention 
of the court. Again, let me restate for the record that the Dulong tribesmen 
of El Segundo are refugees that fled the highlands of Laos and were 6 years 
ago settled by the US government in El Segundo. Naturally they retain all 
of their tribal customs and traditions and some of these may at first seem 
different or odd, but once viewed in context they seem perfectly normal. 
Having said that let me address another three of the incidents one by one.

DECEMBER 2, 1992- Police is summoned to Ventura Blvd. after motorist notify 
911 that about 100 naked men, painted in red and purple were running in the 
middle of the highway hollering and crying and beating themselves with palm 
branches. All of the Dulong were arrested for indecent exposure and 
loitering.
Sir, that would be the "Rebirth Festival", where the men are required 
to display themselves to the world and God of Birthing and atone and 
lament. If they don't do this they are convinced their sins will pile 
up and they will be reincarnated into lower forms of life like white 
fish and smelt which they particularly despise.

Oct. 11, 1992- A Dulong man is arrested for soliciting after kissing 
the police officer who had just given him a parking ticket.
You honor, among Dulong in these cases kissing is a sign of  respect 
for and submission to the power of authority. The man's kiss merely 
meant to say "I'm sorry and I won't do it again".

August 28, 1992- 17 Dulong bring  their children to class at JFK 
elementary in El Segundo and refuse to leave. Teachers tried to 
remove them by force and one female staffer was subdued by the 
Dulong who then cut her hair. Police where summoned and the 
Dulong arrested for classroom invasion and barbering without a license.
Sir, the Dulong communally educate their children. They fully 
expected that they would be the teachers. And when the teachers 
tried to remove them, the found it disrespectful and resisted. 
As for the female staffer, she was waving her finger towards a Dulong 
man in a way which the man's wife mistook as the Dulong gesture for 
carnal interest. She then subdued her and cut her hair with scissors 
for passing advancements toward her husband.

Thank you for your patience. I and my staff will immediately commence 
work on the other 34 outstanding incidents.